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The current period represents a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed guide to the phrases this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {